


Love and strange children but no actual love cause I'm a bad writer

by shittynarutoaus



Series: Bad Naruto AUs [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Dimension Travel, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Fake gender changes, For story reasons, Gen, Genderfluid Uzumaki Naruto, Implied Relationships, Just to throw off canon people, Obito is a disaster, Tiny bit of Angst, You get a new name and you get a name, every one gets a name change, no longer a oneshot, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-06-14 02:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15378276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shittynarutoaus/pseuds/shittynarutoaus
Summary: My Naruto love children end up in cannon Naruto due to seal shennanigans. One shot, probably.No longer a One Shot. Now with double the shenanigans. Kisame is still suffering if you wanted to know, but now you can add Orochimaru to that list.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like this. Mostly crack. Also very self indulgent.

It was a totally normal day for team 7. They had just finished their mission and we’re now heading home.

  
“Kakashi-sensei! This mission was kind of boring can we get a more exiting one?” Naruto asks loudly as he walks in front of his team.

  
“NARUTO! You idiot! You know we’re not allowed to have missions more difficult than a milk run!” Sakura screeches.

  
“Especially after what happened in Wave,” Sasuke says while glaring angrily at the surrounding trees.

  
“They’re right Naruto, it was hard enough getting this mission. I doubt the Hokage will give us anything more exiting than herding cows to their new farm,” Kakashi drawls.

“I know that but-,” Naruto stops. Turning back he whispers loudly, “There’s someone on the road.”

“It’s a road, dobe. What did you expect.” Sasuke says.

  
“Teme! I didn’t mean it like that, I mean someone’s lying ON the road!” Naruto says pointing at a yellow and pale orange lump on the road. Kakashi straightens.

  
“All of you behind me, now.” Their teacher says, “Now stay there.”

  
At his serious tone they all nod and do as he says. They watch as Kakashi nears the lump. He crouches next to it and lightly pokes it with a stick. When it shifts they all let out a sigh of relief, glad that the person wasn’t dead.

  
Kakashi gingerly flips the lump over, revealing it to be a girl about twelve years old. Her blond hair tied into twin pompoms on the top of her hair.

  
Sakura inches closer studying her face. “She looks like Naruto.” The girl did bear a large resemblance to the boy, she seemed a bit more regal in facial features but they did look quite similar down to the whisker marks on her cheeks.

  
“Naruto is she a clone? Are you playing a prank on us?” Kakashi asks as Sasuke glares at Naruto.

  
“No! I wouldn’t do this sensei!” Naruto protests.

  
“One way to find out I guess,” Kakashi sighs. He proceeds to lightly shake the girl. She blearily rubs her eyes, and look up to Kakashi, revealing onyx eyes.

  
“Sakumi-sensei? When did you get so tall? And since when we’re you a boy?” the blond girl says.

  
“Sorry, I’m not you sensei,” Kakashi says as Sakura and Naruto giggle at her confusion.

  
“Oh who are you then? You look just like her, except you’re way taller and a boy,” She says. Kakashi looks puzzled at this, well as puzzled as he can look with a fourth of his face uncovered.

  
“My names Kakashi. These are my students and you are?”

  
“The name’s Akemi.” The girl, now Akemi, says cheerily. “I’ve seen you before but where?” she mutters staring intently at the man. Kakashi just stares shifty eyed at her.

  
“Wait a minute! You’re Hatake Kakashi!” Akemi exclaims, her eyes calculating as she looks around, stopping on the group of gennin behind Kakashi.

  
“Yes, why is that important?” Kakashi asks wearily, noting the look on her face.

  
“You’re from konoha! You can take me there!” she says as she stands up.

  
“Why do you need to go to konoha?” Sakura asks suspiciously.

  
“Cause konoha is safe. Everyone tells me that if I get lost or get teleported somewhere due to a faulty seal I should go to konoha and wait. And you guys are from konoha so hurray for me!” Akemi answers. At the words ‘teleported’ and ‘faulty seal’ Kakashi gets a confused look in his eye.

  
“We can take you but I cannot guarantee you entrance,” Kakashi tells her.

  
“that’s okay I just need to get close enough to be able to wait for the rest of my team to find me, and I can handle myself in the woods, plus if I need something I can always ask the foxes.” Akemi says. Kakashi and Naruto stiffen when she mentions foxes.

  
“There are no foxes in or around Konoha since the kyuubi attack, Akemi-san,” Sakura tells her. Akemi looks lost at this.

  
“Why would the foxes help you anyway,” Naruto asks, his eyes squinting.

  
“My mom’s clan has always had a connection to foxes going so far as to have them as summons,” Akemi answers. “There’s rumors that with the fox contract you can summon the kyuubi himself but no one’s sure if that’s true because no one has that much chakra, plus he hasn’t been seen in years.” Naruto shifts uncomfortably causing Sasuke to look at him in confusion.

  
“Can you summon foxes?” Kakashi asks her, with a calculating look. Akemi nods at his question.

  
“Yeah but the most I can summon are two-tailed foxes, they’re capable of talking but aren’t too strong. My sister has an easier time summoning stronger ones,” She says.

  
“Why are you trusting us with this?” Sasuke asks out of nowhere.

  
Akemi sighs dramatically, “I told you before. Konoha is safe, I can trust you. It also helps that Hatake-san looks like my sensei and that he-” she points at Naruto, “looks like a young blond version of my mom.”

  
Kakashi looks perplexed, shifting his gaze from a exasperated Akemi to a confused Naruto.

  
“You don’t believe me do you?” Akemi says, noting the looks of disbelief on the rest of team 7. Sighing deeply she takes off her pale orange jacket to reach into it, she pulls out two photos and gives them to Kakashi.

  
He takes them and studies them.

  
One photo is of what he assumes is her team they’re in a field picnicking, in it is Akemi gloomy picking at what looks to be ramen, a girl with long black hair and blue eyes happily slurping up the ramen, her cheeks also marked with whiskers although she is missing one marking on each cheek; between Akemi and the other girl sat a boy that bears a large resemblance to Sakura except his hair is platinum blond, he is staring at Akemi with a besotted look on his face; the last person in the photo causes Kakashi’s eye to widen because right there is a girl that could be his twin, to her wild silver hair, her masked face, and her single smiling eye. Next to Akemi’s teacher lay a large silver wolfdog with piercing red eyes.

  
While he was studying the photo his students clustered around him and peered at the photograph in his hand. “She could be your twin, Kakashi-sensei!” Naruto exclaims, “but who’s that other girl that has whiskers too?”

  
“She’s my twin sister, Miyako,” Akemi says, “Although I look and act like my mom, I actually take after dad. Miyako is the opposite. Of course we all have grandpa Kurama and Kurou’s whiskers. And don’t forget that me and mom(used to) have granny Minako’s hair.”

  
Kakashi shifts the photographs to look at the other one. “I suppose this is a photo of your mother’s clan?” At her nod he studies the photo.

  
On it were 8 people of differing ages. They all look youthful, even the people he assumes are Akemi’s grandparents. All of them were wearing formal clothing that were brightly coloured. Behind them was a familiar swirl. That and most of the people’s bright red hair caused Kakashi to come to a realization.

  
“Could you tell us who they are?” Naruto ask, almost pleading. Akemi nods.

  
Pointing to the blond woman in a pale blue kimon in the middle of the photo Akemi says, “this is granny Minako. She married into the clan.” Shifting her hand so that two of her fingers laid on the men bracketing her grandmother, both were wearing green kimonos, “These are grandpas Kurama and Kurou they’re twins and they’re granny Minako’s husbands. Kurama-jiji is the darker one with red eyes and Kurou-jiji is paler and has grey eyes.”

  
Team seven look at her in surprise at her grandfathers sharing a wife. Shrugging she continues pointing to a woman next to Kurama, wearing a purple kimono, “That’s Auntie Minami, she’s mom’s younger sister. Mom’s next to Kurou-jiji, she’s holding my baby brother, Menma.” Team seven turn their attention to said woman. She had long wild hair the colour of freshly spilled blood, clear blue eyes and a blinding smile on her whiskered face, in her arms was a boy about three he had spiky black hair and heterochromatic eyes, one blue and one black. If it weren’t for the woman’s age and hair, she may have well been Naruto’s female form, down to the bright orange kimono.

  
“What’s her name?” Naruto asks, his voice almost trembling.

  
“Nami, her name is Nami,” Akemi says softly. Naruto nods.

  
“Are you an Uzumaki?” Kakashi prods. Naruto looks hopeful. Sakura looks confused, while Sasuke stares at Naruto with a strange look on his face.

  
“I- yes. I have my dad’s family name but I am an Uzumaki.” Akemi says after a long silence. She looks away.

  
“I have a clan?” Naruto whispers, Akemi nods silently. At this Naruto gives a watery laugh, “I have a clan! I have a family!”

  
“I’ve never read about an Uzumaki clan.” Sakura says, being the party-pooper she is. Naruto wilts.

  
“Because they’re not a Konoha clan, they’re Uzushio. When Uzu was destroyed they went underground or were killed, they had no other choice.” Akemi says, glaring at the pink haired girl. Naruto looks saddened at this. Sasuke seems to see Naruto in a new light when he hears what happened to his clan.

  
“Konoha was Uzu’s sister village. When Uzu was under attack we went to help but it was too late, they were all gone. To honor them we wear their symbol on our vests. Naruto wears it too, as is his right.” Kakashi says.

  
“The swirl.” Sasuke realizes. Kakashi nods.

  
“But the question now is what are you doing here so far from home and separated from your team with little to no supplies?” Kakashi asks, studying her.

  
“I actually don’t remember. Last thing I remember was mom showing us a new seal she was working on.” Akemi says, “The seal may have transported me here if it somehow activated but I’m not sure, I wasn’t listening when mom was telling us about it. The type of seal she showed us was not one I specialized in.”

  
“Seals?” Naruto asks.

  
“Yup! The Uzumaki specialty, Uzumaki’s are known to be seals masters. I’m studying battle seals, mostly offensive kinds.” Akemi cheerily says, “actually my team is seal oriented. Sensei is a seals mistress, Miyako studies all kinds of seals, and Hideki-kun is specializing in healing and defensive seals, but we also double as a track and capture team.”

  
“That’s quite a team specialization,” Kakashi says faintly, thinking of all the possible explosions and mishaps. Naruto basically vibrates in place after hearing his clan has a specialty. Sakura and Sasuke stare at Naruto wearily, afraid he will spontaneously explode.

  
“Kakashi-sensei! I wanna learn seals!” Naruto pleads attaching himself to said man.

  
“Uhhh. I’ll teach you what I know then. We’ll start at the basics and you’re not allowed to try anything without me, ok?” Kakashi says, at Naruto’s determined nod he gives the blond an eye smile and pats his head like he would do to a puppy.

  
“I think we should be going it’s getting late,” Akemi interrupts with apologetic smile.

  
Kakashi seems to remember something, “You said you have a summoning contract, right?” At her positive response he continues, “Can you contact your teammates through them?”

  
“Oh Yeah! Good idea!” Akemi exclaims. She promptly summons a small two tailed fox, thing is that this fox was purple of all colours. “Ran-chan!”

  
“Akemi-chan! Where are we?” the fox, now Ran says. At Akemi’s shrug she sighs. “Of course. What do I expect from an Uzumaki. Who are these people and who’s the little Uzumaki?”

  
“We’re shinobi from konoha and we found Akemi on the road,” Kakashi answers.

  
“And I’m Uzumaki Naruto, dattebayo!” Naruto says, his hands on his hips. Kakashi face palms.

  
“Oh he’s definitely an Uzumaki. Just like Nami-sama eh?” the fox gives a raspy laugh. Turning to Naruto she asks, “wanna have a fox summons?”

  
“You want me?” Naruto asks, dumfounded, pointing at himself.

  
“Of course kid. Trust me you’ll feel right at home with us. We’re Uzumaki summons for a reason.” Ran says seriously. “plus we’re not just any old foxes, we’re Uzu foxes, we’ve been with the Uzumaki since the clan was started.”

  
“I don’t- I’m not sure,” Naruto looks conflicted.

  
“That’s okay kid you can think it over and tell Akemi, she’ll tell us what you decided. If you don’t want a contract that’s okay,” Ran says kindly. Naruto nods in understanding.

  
The purple fox turns to Akemi, “what ya need me for anyway?”

  
“Can you find Miyako, Sakumi-sensei, and Hideki-kun and tell them I’m okay and that I’m heading for konoha? Oh and mom too, we were with her last I remember, but mom can take care of herself so I’m not too worried.” Akemi asks her summon.

  
“Got it. Bye Akemi-chan, Naru-chan,” Ran says and poofs away.

  
“Naru-chan!” Naruto protests. Akemi and Sakura giggle. Sasuke just smirks like the fucking asshole he is.

  
“I wasn’t sure what I was expecting from a fox but that was not it,” Kakashi says staring at the place said fox was which was now covered in glitter and paint that spelled out various types of expletives.

  
“Yeah. They’re great, they’re basically Uzumakis in fox form,” Akemi says with a laugh, “I’m not a prankster like my sister or the rest of my my mother’s side of the family but I can appreciate their pranks.”

  
“How did she even do that?” Sakura asks wide eyed at the new words she just learned.

  
Akemi shrugs, “they’re Uzu foxes, no one knows but everyone accepts it.” Naruto gets a glint in his eyes that bodes well for nobody. Seeing this Kakashi panics and proceeds to usher all of the children down the road and towards Konoha.

* * *

  
Miyako is silently sitting in a tree as she watches a large blue sharkman and Uchiha Itachi watch her.

  
“Who the hell are you?” asks the sharkman. Miyako says nothing as she gets a rock from her pocket and ties a piece of paper to it. She then proceeds to chuck it at the sharkman.

  
He of course being a ninja catches it. He looks at the paper and reads out loud, “Miyako.”

  
“What should we do about her, Itachi-san?” Kisame asks his partner. Itachi says nothing and just stares at the girl in the tree.

  
“Ugh it’s like having two of you,” He complains but stops, “Wait! Are you related to Itachi-san?”

  
Itachi stiffens imperceptibly. Miyako just shrugs and throws another rock.

  
“Doubt it. I would know if I was related to THE Uchiha Itachi,” kisame reads. Itachi relaxes.

  
“Okay good I guess. That just means I get the luck of meeting two of the most silent people on earth. Such is my luck.”

  
Kisame catches another rock, “Konoha.”

  
“You’re from konoha?” he asks. At the shake of her head he sighs, “then why give me the word konoha.”

  
Rock, “Take me?”

  
“What the hell?” Kisame looks at her wierdly.

  
“She wants us to take her there,” Itachi says.

  
“Oh.”

  
Another rock, “Ramen?”

  
Kisame looks lost and turns to Itachi for help. Itachi closes his eyes, “She wants ramen.”

  
“Oh. There’s a ramen shop around here I guess. Where the hell do you get all these rocks you’re in a tree for god’s sake.”

  
Rock, “pocket.”

  
“I mean I guess.”

  
“We’ll take you. Not all the way but close enough for you to get there by yourself.”

  
The girl nods and jumps off, “good because I’m out of rocks. Now for that ramen you promised, dattebaya.” Her voice is soft and soothing.

  
She proceeds to say nothing the whole way there. This extremely awkward with Kisame not knowing what to do with these silent bastards. Once in the ramen shop she does not stop talking about and to the ramen. She eats a total of ten bowls.

  
Kisame is sobbing dramatically as Itachi stares intently at the girl who is patting the sharkman’s back solemly, as she refuses to talk once more and stares back at the Uchiha. The ramen shop owner is Concerned.

* * *

  
Hideki stares at the slug Sannin, with stars in his eyes. Tsunade is a little freaked out at this tiny blond child staring at her.

  
“You’re Senju Tsunade, the slug Sannin!” he says.

  
“Yeah what of it?” she asks wearily.

  
“You’re my hero! Of course, after my dad. You’re a world renowned medic-nin who can punch through anything!” he says.

  
“Uh thanks, I guess?” Says Tsunade. “Where are you from, kid?”

  
“I’m from a tiny little village too far away from here, but I got separated from my team. And our plan for this type of situation is to head towards Konoha and hope for the best. I was actually heading there when I saw you.” The boy says.

  
“Huh, strange plan you guys have but it’s not like I care. What’s your name?” Tsunade asks, arms crossed over her ample chest.

  
“Oh sorry! I forgot to introduce myself! My name is Hideki, I’m my team’s medic-nin although I can’t punch even through a wall. I can make it explode though.” Hideki blushes.

  
Tsunade chuckles, “I like you kid.”

  
Hideki looks like Tsunade gave him the moon itself. Tsunade shakes her head and leaves beckoning him to follow.

  
“Konoha’s that way, good luck.”

  
“Ah, I was hoping that you could lead me there?” he asks shyly.

  
“Nope, not gonna happen,” Tsunade says. Hideki wilts, at his expression Tsunade sighs. “Tell you what, you can follow me until we find someone who can take you there.”

  
“Really!? Thank you so much!” he says. “I won’t be a burden!”

  
“And while we’re traveling you can tell me how you blow up walls,” Tsunade gives him a little grin.

  
“Yes mam! Okay so my team is composed of aspiring seals masters, but in different catagories. I focus on healing and some defence.” Tsunade hums in interest. “and I decided I wanted to make a seal that makes blood staunch easier, but I maaaay have messed up the seal so when I tried it on a fish it imploded. Not sure how though. It was supposed to be a simple seal, but now I was covered in fish guts and blood so when Miyako-chan found me she laughed at my missfourtune.”

  
Tsunade shudders slightly at the mention of blood but laughs at the boy. “When did you figure out about the wall thing?”

  
“A few minutes later when Miyako tried the seal on a tree. It basically shattered it was sooo cool but sensei panicked and forbade us to use that seal on anyone or anything in the village. So on a mission we had to make a distraction, so Miyako had the great idea to put the seal on a wall and activate it. The wall imploded.”

  
Tsunade laughs, “So you made a seal that was supposed to help staunch bleeding but came out as one of the most destructive seals I’ve heard about. Honestly, I’m impressed.”

  
Hideki blushes brightly.

  
“You’ll be traveling with me and my student Shizune, I hope you’re not uncomfortable being the only boy.”

  
“That’s okay if you don’t count sensei’s dog, I’m the only boy on my team.”

  
“The one boy in an almost all girl team and you’re the medic? Color me surprised,” Tsunade says looking at him with a raised eyebrow. He blushes.

  
“Well my dad’s a medic too, and as I’ve said before both you and him are my heroes,” Hideki says with a blinding smile.

* * *

  
Sakumi wakes up with a blinding headache.

  
“Did Kai challenge me to a drinking contest again? I love him I do but I’m not sure he understands that I’m small and can’t handle a lot of alcohol.” She mutters to herself.

  
“I doubt it Sakumi. Last thing I remember is sensei showing us that new seal she found,” a deep voice answers her. Sakumi looks up to see her partner splayed out next to her, although his front paws are neatly tucked under his head.

  
“Sharinu! Where are we? And why is my hair brown?” Sakumi says, looking around she notices she is in a small cave underneath a tree with the silver wolfdog covering the entrance beyond Sharinu is a bush covering him. She can also hear the faint sound of rain hitting leaves.

  
“No clue but if had to guess we are somewhere between near Ame, it’s been raining non stop and I had enough trouble getting us in here without the possibility of you getting a cold. I resorted to dragging you by your foot so your hair got dirty,” The dog tells her. Sakumi groans and lays back down.

  
“I hate Ame, I know dad likes to hang out here a lot but water get everywhere,” Sakumi groans.

  
“It’s a good thing you’re always prepared for these types of situations of getting randomly teleported somewhere because of sensei,” Sharinu says.

  
“Don’t forget mom’s paranoia makes him want to make sure I have everything I have everything I would ever need.” She says. “Did the kids get teleported as well?”

  
“No doubt about it, I had Ran pop up a while ago to tell me that Akemi was heading towards Konoha with Kakashi-san,” at the mention of the copy-nin Sakumi groans even louder.

  
“Thank god I had the ‘our kage accidentally teleported us to another dimension and/or time’ talk with them,” Sakumi says.

  
“Thank god they always carry those fake photos, so they have a believable background,” Sharinu mutters.

  
After some comfortable silence they hear someone knocking on the tree above them.

  
“Hello, Tobi saw a big doggie drag a pretty lady in here. And Tobi wants to know if pretty lady is okay.”

  
Sakumi blushes at being called a pretty lady. If a dog could roll his eyes that is exactly what Sharinu would do.

  
“Thank you for your concern Tobi-san but everything is okay,” Sharinu answers.

  
“Oh. So pretty lady does not need help?”

  
“Actually yes. Tobi-san can you tell me where I am?” Sakumi says as she fights her parter for the exit. Popping her head out she sees feet, looking up she sees an orange swirled mask staring down at her.

  
“Yes! Tobi can tell you where you are! Pretty lady is near Ame!” Tobi says excitedly.

  
“I told you were near Ame!” Sharinu says, also popping his head out.

  
“Big doggie can talk! Wow!” Tobi says.

  
“Uh yeah. Thanks.” Says the dog awkwardly.

  
“It’s a pleasure to meet you Tobi-san my name is Sakumi,” she says. “this is Sharinu, my parter.”

  
Tobi nods and sways on his feet. Sakumi looks at him weirdly but shrugs him off, she looks around and finds water pouring from the overhang of the tree she’s under. She takes off he jounin vest and puts her head under the pouring water to wash off the mud from her hair.

  
She hears a gasp from behind her. Turning she sees Tobi standing completely still.

  
“Tobi-san are you okay?” Sakumi asks, worried.

  
“Sakumi-chan has pretty hair!” Sakumi blushes picking at the silver hair over her eye. Sharinu sighs.

  
“Thank you Tobi-san, I got it from my mom,” she says.

  
“Your mom must be a pretty lady too!” Tobi says bringing his clasped hands up to his cheek.

  
“Yes she is, she’s beautiful, even with her mask on,” Sakumi says.

  
“Oooooo can I see her?” Tobi asks. Nodding Sakumi reaches into one of the pockets of her vest and pulls out a laminated photo.

  
“Those are my parents on their wedding,” she says. Tobi takes the photo and seems to study it.

  
In the photo there is a long white table and behind the table were a Sakumi’s parents. They were both laughing and turned towards each other. Sakumi’s mother was on the left while her father was on the right. Her mother had short silver hair that was pinned with a flower although the pieces that were not pinned were sticking up. Even with the angle she was in and the mask that covered half her face you could tell she was breathtakingly beautiful. Her father was equally as handsome with his spiky black hair and rugged good looks even the hints scarring on his face acentuated his looks. At the edge of the photo was a woman with brown hair and kind eyes who is wearing a mischievous look on her face as she holds two slices of cake in her bare hands.

  
“Wow! They- they look very happy,” Tobi says, his voice changing and gaining a wistful tone. Sakumi and Sharinu stare silently as he looks at the photo for a long time.

  
“If you like the photo Tobi-san, you can keep it, I have a lot of copies at home.” Sakumi says gently. Tobi nods silently and pulls the photo towards his chest.

  
“Thank you, Tobi wishes he had a pretty wife too.” He says.

  
“I’m sure you’ll find one, Tobi-san! Don’t give up!” Sakumi tries to cheer him up.

  
“I-yes Tobi will find a pretty wife!” Tobi says at the encouragement. He puts the photo somewhere inside his plain black cloak.

  
Sakumi nods and unseals a raincoat from a pocket seal, putting on she releases another seal and gets another raincoat, although this one is shaped differently. Seeing the cloak in her hands Sharinu backs off.

  
“Oh no. You know I hate that thing,” Sharinu growls.

  
“And I hate bathing you after you get soaked in water,” Sakumi growls back. Sharinu readies to run, “Tobi-san catch him!”

  
Tobi proceeds to tackle the dog and wraps his arms around him. He stands up taking the dog with him. The wolfdog whines deeply his paws hanging limply. Sakumi is impressed with Tobi’s strength.

  
“Whine all you want but you are wearing this mister,” Sakumi says tying one strap around his neck and one around his chest.

  
“I hate this,” Sharinu huffs as Tobi giggles.

  
“Thank you Tobi-san, you can put him down now,” Sakumi says. Tobi does so.

  
“Alright! Tobi-san do you know which way is konoha? My students are heading that way,” Sakumi asks Tobi over the sulking hound.

  
“Yes! Tobi can even take Sakumi-chan there!” Tobi jumps.

“Thank you! Lead the way then!” Sakumi says, following the other. “You know you kinda remind me of my dad. Dad is really silly sometimes, although mom says that he’s just being an idiot, especially when he wakes us up in the middle of the night to tell us his ‘brilliant’ plans of conquering the world using rabbits.”

* * *

  
“Well fuck,” an older version of Naruto says as he stares down a not dead of old age Jiraiya of the Sannin. Who might I add looks to be between heartbreak and suspicion.

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhh. Gotta go! Yeet!” Naruto says as he hiraishins away.

“God that was a close one,” he says to himself not realizing he just used a very identifyable jutsu to get away. Also not realizing he briefly popped into the third hokage’s office to get away.

The third looks down at his pipe and whispers, “what the fuck have I been smoking and where can I get more?”

Back with Jiraiya

“What the fuck!? Was that a red headed minato?” he looks down at the drink in his hand, “I’m going to need something stronger.”

Back with Naruto

“Now to look for the kids and hope that Sasuke find us soon.”

Naruto nods and wanders towards the direction that he believes konoha in, but he’s actually heading towards Orochimaru’s lair of Otogakure.


	2. the continuation no one expected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akemi is chilling and probably jinxes every one. Miyako is great, Kisame needs help. Hideki talks about families with Tsunade. Sakumi and Tobi bond but are also fucked. Nami makes a friend in our favorite snake man. Suprise at the end

Team seven and Akemi are currently relaxing in Konoha when Ran pops in, whispers something to her summoner  before poofing away, leaving a small note.

 

Akemi looks at the note her summon gave her.

 

“Is something wrong?” Kakashi asks looking up from his reading.

 

“Uhh. I’m not sure. Miyako sent this note, it says ‘in a tree, being circled by sharks and one weasel’ I-I’m not sure if this is literally or if it’s code for something.” Akemi looks puzzled. She shrugs, “She’ll be fine she may be kind of a dumbass but she can handle herself.”

 

Team 7 look at each other at the casual insulting of her sister and the confusing note itself.

 

“What of the rest of your team?” Sakura asks.

 

“Well Ran said that Sakumi-sensei was knocked out but alive somewhere in Ame. Hideki-kun is still looking for someone to take him to Konoha. Ran told me that Mom was beating up some guy so she’s fine.” Akemi answers honestly. “They’ll be fine. It’s not like they’ll get in too much trouble.”

 

Team seven stare at her, incredulous at her casual behavior.

 

She settles back onto the grass with a book on jutsus.

* * *

 

It’s been a week of absolute silence and Kisame is ready to have a mental break down. He was fine with one silent traveling partner but now with the quiet child they picked off a tree the silence was unbearable.

 

Miyako and Itachi watch as Kisame violently mutters to himself and twitches. They look at each other silently. Miyako silently gives Itachi a scrap of paper.

 

After reading it Itachi nods. With that Miyako silently summons a pale pink, not to mention huge, four tailed fox.

 

“MIYAKO-HIME!” the fox yells as it launches itself at the girl.

 

Kisame screams at the sudden yell and whirls around drawing his sword. He stops as he sees a giant fox laying on top of the girl he was escorting.

 

“Ran told me that she was summoned by your sister and I got worried because you haven’t summoned me yet and I thought you got hurt and I couldn't bear the thought of my Hime getting hurt but I couldn’t come to you and-and I WAS SO WORRIED!” the fox cries loudly. If foxes could shed tears Miyako would have been laying in a puddle and soaking wet.

 

Miyako awkwardly pats the fox’s head to calm it down. Once calm the fox rises and sits down primly as if she didn’t just bowl over her summoner and cried over her. Miyako glares at her summon.

 

“Hime? Please don’t tell me you’re some kind of lost princess running from her enemies because her homeland was attacked and the only way your parents could protect you was if they sent you away to a far off land,” Kisame says. Everyone stares at him weirdly for the very specific scenario he just came up with.

 

“Nothing as idiotic as that!” the fox answers for Miyako, “Miyako-Hime is the heiress of the clan that holds our contract.” Miyako nods.

 

Kisame sighs in relief. 

 

“So who’s the fox, anyway?” Kisame asks after a moment of silence.

 

“I am Miyako-hime’s primary summon. My name is Tsubaki,” the fox, now Tsubaki answers. Tsubaki curls a tail around Miyako and tucks her against her body. 

 

Turning towards her summoner she asks, “Why did you summon me, hime?”

 

Miyako answers with some hand-signs and gestures neither Itachi or Kisame recognize.

 

“Ah I see,” Tsubaki nods, turning to the confused duo she says, “thank you for escorting Miyako-hime this far but I will take over from here according to your conditions. We are close enough to Konoha to make it there safely.”

 

“Uhhh you’re welcome?” Kisame says. Itachi nods.

 

“Konoha is that way,” Kisame points down the road. 

 

The fox and the girl nod and begin walking. 

 

Itachi startles slightly as if remembering something. He whispers to Kisame, “Konoha does not like foxes.” 

 

Kisame nods at the information.

 

“Wait!” Kisame yells, “I just remembered! Konoha doesn’t take too kindly to foxes so I suggest you do something about Tsubaki!”

 

Miyako raises a hand in acknowledgement. Next to her Tsubaki is enveloped in smoke. The smoke disappears revealing a well endowed woman with pink hair in a complicated updo. She looks totally normal except for the tails waving behind her. 

 

Miyako signs to her and Tsubaki startles and begins to wrestle with the tails, soon enough they pop out of existence. Miyako and Tsubaki turn to Itachi and Kisame.

 

“Thanks for the warning!” Tsubaki yells loudly, scaring a few birds. Miyako nods and waves. They turn around and meander down the road towards Konoha.

 

“Well we had an interesting week, don’t you think Itachi-san?” Kisame asks. Itachi nods.

 

“Like that time we accidentally entered that forbidden temple and the only way to get out was to do an obscure dance that for some reason Miyako-san knew,” Kisame says then stops as he remembers something.

 

“Itachi-san, did-did we ever give Miyako-san any equipment? You know to protect herself when we seperated? We found her with nothing Itachi-san, all she had were those rocks she threw at us, and I doubt Tsubaki has anything on her since she’s a fox, they have no need for weapons,” Kisame asks. Itachi is deathly silent. Kisame gets a bad feeling.

 

“We need to go back!” Kisame panics and runs toward where they last saw the girls. Itachi quickly follows his partner.

* * *

Tsunade watches in surprise as Hideki, an absolutely tiny child, lifts the boulder blocking the road over his shoulder  and chucks it to the side. They walk as they begin to talk.

Shizune giggles at her face, “I think you may have surprised Tsunade-sama.”

“What?” Hideki blushes.

“Sorry kid I didn’t think that you had that much strength in that body of yours,” Tsunade says with an eyebrow raised.

“Oh! Well I got it from my dad, when he was around my age he had inhuman strength even without the help chakra. Sensei told us stories from before we were born, she said that when dad got angry he could punch someone all across the village. Most of the time it was Nami-sama, Kasumi-sensei’s teacher and dad’s teammate,” Hideki says with a soft laugh. Tsunade laughs loudly.

“All these stories about your family makes me want to meet them,” Tsunade says.

“I do have a photo of them if you want to see,” Hideki says shyly.

“Give them here then. Let me see them,” Tsunade says, hand out.

The boy hands her two photos. “This one is of dad’s team and this one is my family photo.”

Tsunade studies the family photo. In it is Hideki and three people. There is a tall woman she assumes is his mother, her long hair the same shade as his. She wore a lavender kimono and had one arm around a pink haired person, their short hair in a low ponytail, that and the ambiguous features and clothes they wore confused Tsunade a bit before realizing that Hideki looked a lot like them but blond. The blond woman had her free hand on a boy a few years older than Hideki, his pink hair was in a messy undercut. The older pink-haired person had a hand on Hideki’s shoulder

“That’s my dad, Shiori,” Hideki says pointing at the pink-haired man? Tsunade is unsure but shrugs it off.

“You look like him,” Shizune says. Hideki blushes and nods in thanks. 

Pointing at the woman he says, “ my mom, Izumi” pointing at the pink-haired boy, “that’s my older brother, Ichirou.”

“Your family looks nice, kid” Tsunade says. With that Tsunade moves on to the team photo. 

In it there is five people in what looks like a restaurant. A red-headed woman who was messily eating from her plate. Next to her was a man that looked a lot like an Uchiha, he was eating as he was looking at the woman next to him, a soft look in his eyes. Tsunade writes him off as just a person with similarities from just that look, no Uchiha would willingly show that much emotion in public. On the other side of the red-head was a younger version of Hideki’s dad his face twisted into disgust as he stares at the couple next to him. 

Across from the three was a person that surprised Tsunade. She looked a lot like that brat of Sakumo’s, her hair similar to said brat’s except a bit tamer and longer. Unlike the brat though she had both eyes, although one was darker than the other. Next to her was another Uchiha-look alike with extensive scarring along the right side of his face that trailed down his neck and under his shirt. They were both laughing at the three across from them while leaning against each other.

“I recognize your dad but who’s the rest of them?” Tsunade asks.

“The red-haired woman is Nami-sama, she’s our current kage and she’s married to Shouta-sama, that’s him next to her. Their daughters are my teammates,” Hideki says. Tsunade hums in interest.

“And these two?” Tsunade asks pointing at the other couple.

“The man is out previous kage, his name is Osamu and that his wife Kasumi, she’s was my dad’s sensei. They’re Kasumi-sensei’s parents and they were in the same team. They were taught my Nami-sama’s mother, our kage before Osamu-sama.” 

“Kami, kid. That’s some team history there, there’s a kage in each generation of teams. There’s most likely a kage in your sensei’s genin team and yours,” Tsunade teases.

Hideki blushes, “It’s too early to say. Nami-sama still has many years left, she loves her job and not to mention she’s an Uzumaki. She’ll be kage for a while unless she decides to retire.”

“Uzumaki!?” Shizune and Tsunade exclaim and they stop walking to look at him in disbelief.

“Uhh. Yes?” Hideki says, “Nami-sama, her dads, Akemi-chan, Miyako-chan, and Menma-kun are all Uzumakis. I thought I told you?”

“It never came up,” Tsunade says with crossed arms.

“Oh sorry, but why are you so worked up about this Tsunade-sama? If I may ask,” Hideki says with wide eyes.

Tsunade sighs but answers, “my grandmother was an Uzumaki and when Uzushio was destroyed I thought that I and the other Uzumaki in konoha were the last of the clan. So hearing that there was a whole family of them somewhere else surprised me. So, do you know how they survived?”

Hideki hums and gets a focused expression, “I believe that Kurou and Kurama-sama left a few years before the attack on Uzu and Nami-sama birth. They moved to our village, there they met Minako-sama and the rest was history as they say.”

“So theoretically there could be more Uzumaki than we originally thought,” Tsunade asks.

Hideki nods his head enthusiastically, “Yeah! Like Karen-obasan! After the destruction of Uzu, our Uzumakis thought they were the last ones until Shouta-sama found Karen-obasan when they were younger. So it is possible that there are more Uzumakis than we thought!”

“Well that settles it.” Tsunade states.

“Settles what Tsunade-sama?” Shizune asks as Hideki suddenly feels foreboding.

“We’re gonna revive the Uzumaki clan!” Tsunade says with a grin and walks forward with a slight pep in her step.

“What have I  _ done? _ ” Hideki asks himself as he looks at the determines Slug Princes as she walks. He calms himself down, “This is a good thing, we could always use more Uzumakis. What could go wrong?”

He then regrets his actions when Tsunade places him in charge of the Uzumakis three months later.

* * *

“Tobi-san are you sure you know where we’re going?” Sakumi pants as they trudge through the sand.

“Yup! Konoha is this way!” He says as he does a 180 and starts walking.

Sharinu whines and flops on the hot sand. “Can we please ask for directions?”

“Good Idea, Sharinu but if you haven't noticed we’re in the middle of the freaking desert!” Sakumi says almost hysterically.

“What about those guys over there?” Tobi says popping up behind them causing them to shriek. They look over to see a group of people just staring at them.

“Uhhhh. Hello.” Sakumi waves awkwardly. They wave back hesitantly.

“Do you guys know where the nearest village is?” Sharinu asks. The group looks at them weirdly before huddling together and whispering.

“You guys have been walking in circles in front of Sunagakure for the past hour. We’ve been waiting for you to notice us,” the leader of the group answers.

“SUNA! Tobi-san! You said you’ll take us to Konoha!” Sakumi shrieks in disbelief before collapsing. She groans, “How did you take us the complete opposite direction! Kami! You’re just like my father, if it wasn’t for mom he’d have missed all his meetings. Mom had to hold him by the hand and lead him or else he’d get distracted and been late.”

Tobi giggles at that. The guards watch the spectacle.

Sakumi sighs and rises weakly. “Can we come in? All we need is some rest, supplies, and directions. We’re willing to pay.”

“You’ll have to follow the rules but yes, you may enter. Here’s a map, prohibited areas are marked red but the rest you can roam. Tourism spots are marked in blue, inns and restaurants are marked in green. Shops are orange. Have a good day!” A kind guard says, handing them the said map.

“For directions, I suggest you hire a team to take you in the direction of Konoha or else you’ll get lost in the desert,” A gruff guard says.

“Thank you,” Sharinu pants as they all walk into Suna.

“C’mon we should get some beds in a inn first.” Sakumi says following the map to an inn. Tobi and Sharinu trail after her.

They enter an inn. The lady at the counter startles at their entrance.

“Oh! Customers! Finally!” She says.

“What do you mean by ‘Finally’, miss?” Sharinu asks. The lady stares at the dog in surprise.

“Umm, it’s that people haven’t been coming to Suna for a long time, so we barely get any business,” the lady says hesitantly.

“Oh…” Sakumi says, her tone conflicted. She shakes her head, “Then can we get three rooms for the night?”

“Three? Why not two? Are you waiting for someone” the lady asks.

Sakumi leans on the counter and stands on her tiptoes to whisper, “Don’t tell anyone but Sharinu, my dog, is a diva. He refuses to share a room with anyone even me, his partner. Not to mention he snores.”

Sharinu who heard everything glares at Sakumi for the heinous lies she is spewing. The lady giggles into her hand. Tobi watches in amusement although you can’t tell because he’s wearing a mask.

“Okay three rooms coming up!” she says. She hands them the keys and Sakumi pays her.

“Thanks!” She says as she walks down a hallway to the rooms.

“Why did you lie, Sakumi-chan? Sharinu-san doesn’t snore,” Tobi asks.

“She needed the business,” Sakumi says as she pockets two keys before tossing the third key at Tobi without looking.

Tobi drops it but picks it up. 

“Rest, Tobi-san. I’ll come get you after two hours. We can go eat and buy supplies, after that we can request an escort mission with the shinobi,” Sakumi says tiredly before opening her door and letting Sharinu in, following close behind him.

Tobi stands in the hallway looking at her door before looking down at the key in his hand. After a few minutes he turns to his room and disappears inside.

Sakumi wakes up after two hours, feeling a little bit more human. “Let’s get Tobi-san and go eat, Sharinu.”

Sharinu follows her into the hallway. Sakumi knocks on Tobi’s door.

“Tobi-san! Wake up, we need to go eat and go shopping!” Sakumi yells softly.

There is a crash and a “I’m okay!” Sakumi giggles. Soon enough Tobi exits the room.

“So what do you want to eat? They have yakiniku, there’s a cafe, Hmm, there’s not too many choices,” Sakumi says almost sadly as she skims the map,  “there’s a few bars, a ramen shop, and a few traditional Suna cuisine places.”

“Can we have ramen?” Tobi asks, almost a whisper.

“Huh? Oh yeah! Of course! I love ramen!” Sakumi says. She grabs Tobi’s hand before dragging him out into town and towards the ramen shop. Sharinu shakes his head and follows them.

“Should be around- AHA!” Sakumi grinds to a stop causing Tobi to fall over. Helping Tobi up, she looks the building over. Wasn’t much of a building, more like a stand. Sakumi grins.

“C’mon!” Sakumi says as she sits at the counter, Tobi close behind her. Sharinu enters behind them and carefully climbs a seat.

“Hello!” A kind man says from behind the counter. “What would you like?”

“Miso!” Sakumi says.

“Me too!” Tobi says.

“I’ll have Tonkotsu with extra pork,” Sharinu says. The ramen chef stares but shrugs and soon enough serves them.

Sakumi lowers her mask just enough to uncover her mouth, revealing scarring that crawls over her nose and lips from the left side of her face. Tobi stares a bit before pulling his mask up to reveal his mouth.

“You know, Tobi-san. I take my team out to ramen when we finish a long or difficult mission, just like my sensei did for me and my teammates. It’s been tradition for as long as I remember. I remember mom taking her team out as well,” Sakumi smiles into her bowl. “Do you have a tradition like that Tobi-san?”

Tobi doesn’t answer as he looks down at his bowl. Sakumi glances at him in worry.

“No-Not anymore,” Tobi whispers out.

“I’m so sorry Tobi-san. I-I shouldn’t have asked,” Sakumi says mournfully.

“It’s okay, you didn’t know,” Tobi says before shaking his head, suddenly cheerful he asks, “Sooo, tell me about your team, and teammates.”

Sakumi digs into her pockets to pull out two photos, “I always carry these around wherever I go.”

She slides one towards Tobi, “These are my cute little students!”

Tobi pick it up. It looks like a traditional team photo. On it is Sakumi, not much taller than her students, her hands were on the shoulders of her two female students. A blond boy in the middle happily smiling into the camera. On his left was a sullen looking girl with long dark hair in a braid, she had two whisker marks on each cheek, her bright blue eyes made Tobi silently take a breath. On the boy’s right was another girl that almost made him gasp out loud with hair a familiar shade of blond, she had a cheerful disposition and three whisker marks on each cheek. Her hair was up in two pom pom-like pigtails at the top of her head.

Not noticing his mood, Sakumi says, “The blond girl is Akemi, she may look like her mother but she’s all her father. She was top of her class, and is currently the heiress to her father’s clan. Don’t tell anyone I told you this but Akemi has a crush on Hideki, the boy next to her. Hideki is training to be a medic-nin, he’s pretty strong and not to mention one of the kindest boys you’ll ever meet, just don’t get him angry he's liable to start throwing boulders. He has a crush on Akemi, so it’s mutual and so adorable. Miyako is quiet but she’s so very mischievous, she loves ramen just like her mother. She can easily eat ten in one sitting. She’s her mother’s clan heiress, although she’s not book-smart like her sister, Akemi, she is quite streetsmart and quick on her feet so I’m the least worried about her, she knows how to handle herself.”

Tobi hums as he looks at the picture a bit longer before he slides it back. Sakumi then slides the second picture to him.

Tobi pick up the photo but almost drops it when he sees hair the color of freshly spilt blood. He settles when he sees an unfamiliar face instead of what he expected. The woman had those oh so familiar blue eyes and whisker marks, she was grinning widely at the camera, so very proud of her new students. 

Tobi instantly recognizes Sakumi as the girl in the middle simply from her hair and the fact that she was holding a very familiar pup. Although still was still wearing her mask her bangs were pinned to one side by a green and orange clip, revealing two black eyes. On her left was was a dark skinned girl with red hair similar to their teacher although in a cute bob and her bangs were clipped at the top of her head. She had eyes a few shades darker than her hair and like her teacher, had whiskers. On Sakumi’s right was a girl with orange hair hanging over one eye but had her hair tucked behind her ear on the other side. She had many black studs in her visible ear. She was shyly wringing the sleeves of her flower patterned kimono.

Shiba Inu

“That’s my sensei, Nami-sensei is also Akemi and Miyako’s mom. She’s currently the kage of our village, she took over for my dad after he retired from his position to travel with mom,” Sakumi says with a smile.

“She looks like someone I knew,” Tobi says sadly. Sakumi says nothing. “Who are your teammates?”

“Well, the red head is Minami, she’s Nami-sensei’s younger sister. She’s currently a popular traveling musician back home, the shinobi lifestyle wasn’t her type of gig. She joined just because she thought it was expected of her. Although sometimes for old times sake we take a mission together. The other one is Ranko she’s Nami-sensei and Minami’s cousin. She was very shy in the beginning, now though she is more confident and one of the best medic-nin in the village. When she’s not working in the hospital or on a mission, she helps out at her parents’ restaurant.” Sakumi says remembering her genin days. 

“An all girls team?” Tobi asks.

“Yup! We weren’t a heavy hitting team, we were more of a sabotage and stealth team. Although we knew how to hit hard, especially because sensei was a part of a heavy hitting team that mom was in charge of,” Sakumi says brightly, “I’m currently training my students as a track and capture team, along with teaching them sealing. If I think of it because of all the seal mishaps and explosions we can easily double as a demolition or sabotage team.”

“Sealing?” Tobi says faintly.

“Are you guys done chatting like a couple of clucking hens. Pay the poor chef and let’s get going to the shops!” Sharinu growls.

“Okay! Let’s go Tobi-san!” Sakumi says as she places down money on the counter. 

Tobi follows her as they go in and out of shops. Restocking on food and water and other necessities.  Soon enough Tobi is buried under all the shopping bag.

“Oops. I may have bought too much!” Sakumi says. She starts sealing everything into two seperate scrolls. “Here, this one's for you!” She says handing him a scroll.

“Thank you!” Tobi chirps, stuffing the scroll into a pocket. 

“Now to ask for some escorts,” Sakumi says as they walk toward the missions building.

Once there Sakumi leans on the unmanned missions desk, “Hello! I need some escorts, can I hire a team?”

“Ah yes! Of course! Where too?” an excited sand chunin asks.

“I need to go to Konoha or at least past the desert,” Sakumi says.

“Konoha? Hmm, well there is a team heading there for the chunin exams. Let me check what team- oh- oh no,” the chunin pales.

“What? What’s wrong?” Sakumi asks.

The chunin looks around nervously before leaning forward and whispering, “Well the team heading there has a quite volatile team member. I’m sorry but  I’m going to have to ask you to come another day and see if another team can take you.”

“Oh I’m sure we’ll be fine, we’re stronger than you think! We need to get there as soon as possible so it’s no big deal, we can handle it!” Sakumi says resolutely.

“If you’re sure,” the chunin looks close to tears, “I’ll be sure to notify the team about their mission.”

As they are leaving Sharinu asks, “Are you sure about this, Sakumi? He looked pretty panicked.”

“I’m sure we’ll be fine. We can take a crazy shinobi, I mean it's not like they’re gonna give us a bijuu as an escort” Sakumi says, completely relaxed. Tobi chokes.

“Now let’s go sleep! We need to get up early to catch our escorts!” Sakumi says as she walks towards the inn.

_ The next morning _

Sakumi smiles at the murderous twelve year old as if he’s not thinking of crushing her with his sand. Sharinu and Tobi whimper from behind her.

_ Some time later _

“Well Fuck.” Sakumi says as she stares wide eyed at the large tanuki made of sand. 

“FUCKING BIJUU!” She says as she dodges a swipe.

“YOU HAD TO FUCKING JINX YOURSELF! DIDN’T YOU SAKUMI!!!!!” Sharinu yells, ducking under a lash from a tail.

“AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Tobi yells as he flails.

“TOBI! SHUT UP!!!!!” Sharinu says.

* * *

Kabuto walks into Orochimaru’s office and promptly walks out. He blinks at the scene he just saw. He walks in just to make sure that what he saw was real. 

Yup, this is definitely real. Orochimaru is bruised, dirty, and wounded. His hair is choppy but he is calm as he sits at a table drinking tea as a loud red-headed woman talks to him from across the table, in her hands is a cup of tea. The room is destroyed, the only surviving furniture being the table and two chairs.

“Orochimaru-sama?” Kabuto asks, unsure, “I came to give a report?”

“Oh! So this is the Kabuto-chan you were telling me about!” The woman says, standing up and hugging the poor confused boy.

“I- What?” Kabuto asks. 

“This is Uzumaki Nami, she helped me,” Orochimaru says, sipping some tea.

“Yup, Oro had a really nasty seal that was messing with his mind and reasoning for what looked to be years. So I took it off!” the Uzumaki cheerily says. Orochimaru twitches at the nickname but keeps drinking his tea.

Orochimaru sets down his cup, “The invasion is off, Kabuto. I am clear headed now. I will not do it, Sarutobi-sensei had reasons for passing me over. During the last phase of the exams I will send Uzumaki-san as a stand-in for the Otokage. I will stay here and fix what I have wronged. You are free from my service.”

“But Orochi-” Kabuto stops as Orochimaru raises a hand.

“You may go back to Konoha,” Orochimaru says but hesitates, “But if you wish to stay at my side, you can. File for discharge from Konoha’s ranks if you wish it.”

“I will do that at once, Orochimaru-sama!” Kabuto says as he rushes out the door.

At his exit Orochimaru slouches over his cup.

“You did the right thing. You gave him a  _ choice _ . He chose you didn’t he.” Nami says softly one hand on his shoulder.

Orochimaru stays silent. 

“Sorry about your hair,” Nami says after some time. “I can even it out if you want.” At Orochimaru’s nod, Nami gets a kunai and cuts to the shortest chunk which leaves it at shoulder length.

“There! That looks nice!” Nami says as she pulls out a mirror.

Orochimaru nods as he studies his reflection. 

“So, what are we doing first?” Nami asks splaying herself across the table . Orochimaru manages to save his tea before Nami knocked it off the table.

“We need to deal with the experiments that he-I-” Orochimaru stops.

“I could take care of it if you want,” Nami offers.

“No. I  _ have  _ to do this.” Orochimaru says grimly before softly saying, “but I would appreciate help. I am injured because of you after all.”

Nami laughs before she nods, “Yah know, I’m the kage of my village if you need help with village stuff I can help too.”

Orochimaru nods and with a soft ‘thank you’ rises from his seat, cup in hand and briskly walks out the door, Nami jumps off the the table, swipes her somehow not tipped over cup and follows. Behind them the table and chairs splinter and fall apart.

Nami laughs and says, “I might just socialize you yet!”

“I do not require socialization,” Orochimaru mutters as they walk down the halls.

* * *

A man wakes up in the middle of a forest. He looks around and curses.

“Dammit, Naruto you Idiot! What the hell did I tell you about unstable seals and showing them to the kids!” He mutters angrily before standing up and stomping in a random direction.

“Hey, are you okay?” A voice asks him.

The man turns around and sees Jiraiya of the Sannin, alive and in the flesh.

“Oh! I’m gonna kill that stupid wife of mine!” He mutters before he speaks up, “I’m fine.”

“What’s your name kid?” Jiraiya asks.

“Shouta,” the now named man said.

“Well Shouta, I’m gonna have to ask why you know my godson’s name and why you muttering about seals right after you said his name,” Jiraiya asks, his face suddenly unreadable.

‘Fuck’ Shouta thinks.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EVERYONE GETS FAKE NAMES!!!! Hurrah! But to be honest I just got the first name I liked with the same beginning letter so ya. You can yell at me if you want.
> 
> -Akemi does not give a fuck or she's confident in her team and mom.
> 
> -Tsubaki likes to act all prim and proper, but she's a huge fecking baby. 
> 
> -Miyako is selectively mute, she usually doesn't talk unless it's with her family or involves ramen. She along with her family and team created their own type of sign language since sign language isn't too common in the elemental nations but she usually needs others to translate. So she carries many scraps of paper and a pencil just in case she is separated from the others.
> 
> -Hideki regrets all his life choices. But Naruto's gonna have a huge family now. So Win-Win?
> 
> -Sakumi also regrets her life choices. But she likes Tobi. Tobi has many issues.
> 
> -Nami made some great life choices. Orochimaru reluctantly likes her.
> 
> -New surprise character! AU! Sasuke.

**Author's Note:**

> Did you guys like it? I hope you did, I just finished writing this.


End file.
